Is it normal….that my child won’t share?

Sharing is a learnt behaviour. It takes time and patience for children to even start to grasp the concept of sharing, never mind practising it consistently. It can be frustrating and even embarrassing when your child refuses to share, but by using encouragement and setting a good example, you can help your child to share with others naturally. If you’re wondering how to teach your 2-year old to share, the bad news is you probably won’t be able to. Refusing to share at the age of two is a completely natural and age appropriate behaviour for children to display.

 Young children are not able to put themselves in others shoes or learn how to understand others wants or feelings, as at this age they are still trying to understand their own feelings and emotions. At age three to four, children are just moving toward the age when they can grasp the concept of sharing – and the idea of sharing and taking turns must be taught by example, guidance and repetition. Different children do develop at different rates however and it’s never too early to start setting a good example.

 Some things you can do to encourage sharing…………

 Give plenty of praise

Praise sharing when your child does it and also point out good sharing behaviour in others. ‘I really liked the way you let Oliver take a turn with your train.’ Or, ‘Did you see how Jessica shared her ball? That was very kind of her.’ Two-year olds might take a ‘half step’ of showing toys and possessions without actually handing them over. This too should be praised as learning to share is a gradual process.

Set up ‘take a turn’ toys or games

It can be useful to set up activities to help your toddler to learn to share, either with yourself or with other young children they are playing with. Get out easily shared items like blocks or crayons and use or make up games that involve taking turns. Talk about what you are doing out loud – ‘Now it’s my turn to add a block…now it’s your turn.’

Don’t punish your child for not sharing

At the toddler stage your child will not have a very clear concept of what sharing is. If you enforce a punishment for not sharing, this can be confusing and bring a negative connection to the whole process of sharing. In older pre-school children it can also lead to feelings of resentment. The same is true of ‘forced sharing’.

It’s far better to get your child to share because they want to than because they are scared of the consequences. This could lead to a child who shares begrudgingly and only when they think you are watching.

There are exceptions of course. If two young children are fighting over a train set they’re supposed to be sharing, it might be safer to remove it from both of them for a short time. In this case, both children would share the same consequences of not being able to play with the train for a time.

Not everything has to be shared

As adults we do not expect to let anyone we meet drive our car, or share our lunch out at work every day. Sometimes sharing is appropriate and sometimes it is not. In terms of teaching your toddler to share, they will probably have favourite toys or an item like a comfort blanket that they really don’t want to share and most of the time, this is fine.

At First Steps Nursery in Poole, we encourage the children to share through role modelling from the practitioners. Each day the children will participate in turn taking activities guided by an adult to encourage the children to understand this concept. By providing the children with different play experiences they have an opportunity to explore different social experiences and have new sharing opportunities. The expectations of the different age ranges in the nursery is broad and as the children progress and get nearer to the time when they are making their transition to school a more focused approach to learning how our behaviours affect others are discussed and explored.